


Only Love

by WildflowerWeasley



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 03:51:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19939762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildflowerWeasley/pseuds/WildflowerWeasley
Summary: Harry has defeated Voldemort once and for all but the trauma of growing up as the "Chosen One" has taken its toll and Hermione is determined to bring her best friend back from the darkness that threatens to swallow him up.





	Only Love

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Harmony & Co. (18+) 2K Celebration. 
> 
> All the thanks and heart eyes to my beta, IKEAwhatyoudidthere! 
> 
> Inspired by the song Only Love by PVRIS

_ _

_ I'm hoping you weren't heaven sent _

_ Cause only hell knows where you've been _

_ Your built composure's wearing thin _

_ And all your walls are caving in _

_ Before you shut this down _

_ I just wanna lift you up _

_ I'll take all this love I found _

_ And I hope that it's enough _

2 May 1998

“Harry...please come out.”

Exhaustion warred with worry and Hermione felt herself slide down the heavy door as her aching legs finally gave out. Her eyes closed of their own volition and she inhaled deeply, attempting to calm her racing heart only for them to fly open once again, widening in alarm. Her body pitched forward and she coughed violently as her body expelled the acrid smoke and dust from her burning lungs.

With shaking hands, she swiped at the tears that spilt down her cheeks causing trails to form in the blood and grime stuck to them. Releasing a heavy sigh, she tipped her head back to rest against the door while her mind played the last moments of the final battle on repeat. Harry had fled as soon as Tom Riddle’s body had fallen to the ground in finality. He was well and truly dead, and his followers were being rounded up as she sat there. She had seen him of course, witnessed the shock on Harry’s face when he realized that it was finally over. Thinking he was relieved, she had gone with the rest of the survivors into the Great Hall. He hadn’t followed.

“Harry,  _ please. _ ”

Hearing the click of the lock, Hermione sat up quickly and struggled to stand on her wobbly legs. Harry appeared a moment later, his head bowed as he stood silently before her. Pain clenched around her heart and she rushed forward to pull him into her arms. He collapsed as soon as her arms were around him and, unable to support his weight in her frail state, Hermione sank with him to the floor. Harry buried his face in her neck and his shoulders shook while he clung to her tightly.

“It’s okay, love. It’s over...it’s over. Everything will be alright. I’m so proud of you, do you hear me? So proud.”

She whispered fiercely to him even as her sobs echoed around the crumbled corridor. Harry shook his head violently and she pushed him back to look into his eyes. Her hands cradled his face, caressing his dirty cheeks rough with stubble. Anger coursed through her, replacing the sadness for a moment and she held him still.

“Harry James, hell only knows where you’ve been. I can’t imagine everything you’ve been through in your life, but that does  _ not  _ change the fact that you have overcome so much and I am incredibly proud of you.”

His eyes shined with fresh tears and though it hurt to see his walls caving in, determination built within her and she pulled him into her once more. She would take all of the love she held for him and use it to build him up, she only hoped it would be enough. 

* * *

_ If we don't bend then this might break _

_ Please don't give in to this pain _

_ Just keep on counting down the days _

_ And dream of me to keep you safe _

1 August 1998

Hermione lay in her bed, her body shaking and covered in sweat. Her heart pounded in her chest painfully and though she closed and opened her eyes several times, the image of a deranged Bellatrix still stood over her. Logic told her that there was no way the woman was there, she was dead, but the very real fear flowed through her veins paralyzing her and she watched helplessly as Bellatrix stepped closer, cursed blade in hand.

The sound of something heavy crashing to the floor pulled her from her reverie and she sat up quickly, listening for any sign it hadn’t only been in her head. Another crash rang out below her and without another thought, she raced from the room wand in hand. Her feet carried her down the stairs at Grimmauld Place, following the increasingly louder sounds of breaking furniture and dishes until she had reached the kitchen. Opening the door, she first noticed the half-full bottle of firewhisky sitting on the table before her eyes fell on the angry man beside it. Harry stood with his back to her, his chest heaving and he reached for the bottle tipping it back and taking a deep pull. 

Unlike many others that had come through the war, Harry hadn’t been trapped in his depression. He  _ had  _ been depressed, locking himself in his room and ignoring every person who offered help but it hadn’t lasted and he had quickly moved on to anger. He lashed out with harsh words and hard eyes, pushing everyone away. Hermione had watched as Ginny tried to pull him out of his grief, needing him- expecting him- to be strong for  _ her _ . Hermione thought it was rather selfish of her to disregard his feelings but had stayed out of it. Harry had tried pushing her away as well, spitting hate and discounting her pain as if it were minuscule compared to his. Still, she stayed, resolved to the fact that he wasn’t in a place to reciprocate. So she counted down the days, bending herself to be the strong one he needed right now. In time, he would be strong for her...if they didn’t break.

Her stomach clenched painfully as she prepared herself to confront him, hardening her heart to the coming hostility. Slowly she stepped toward him, still drinking his amber vice while catching his breath. Her hand reached out, fingertips brushing the red heated skin of his back before her palm laid over the now tightened muscle of his shoulder.

“Harry…” she whispered. He stood silent, coiled tightly as if he were about to explode and she supposed he was. “Harry, talk to me. It’ll help.”

His body whipped around, jarring her in the process and she stumbled back before righting herself. Her hand, still frozen in the air dropped to her side and she ignored the burning behind her eyes as she took in his expression. Draco Malfoy had nothing on him.

“Oh really,  _ Hermione _ ? And just what do you know?”

The barely contained tears fell down her cheeks and hurt consumed her. He had never said her name with such disdain before and hearing it now nearly broke her. 

“Harry,” the shock and hurt at his words were obvious and where her Harry would have shown remorse, this man before her looked disgusted.

“ _ Hermione _ ,” he mocked. “What? Perfect Hermione doesn’t have an answer? I bet that eats you up inside but guess what, you  _ don’t know. _ ” His finger came up, pointing at her chest as he spat his vitriol at her. “Your parents are safe! You haven’t had to fight for your life every fucking day of it! You aren’t responsible for the hundreds of deaths of innocent people. No one looks to you to solve the problems of the wizarding world. As if I fucking had a clue of what was happening when I was baby, hell even when I was  _ eleven _ .” 

He turned then, snatching the bottle of whisky from the table and chugged the last dregs before he threw it with all of his strength across the room. Hermione watched, wide-eyed as it slammed into the upper kitchen cabinets and shattered like the life they had once known. Her attention was brought back to her best friend as he picked up the edge of the table and flipped it over before turning to her once more.

“You know nothing.” 

“Fuck you, Harry Potter,” she said through clenched teeth. Her tears renewed and she rushed forward pushing his chest with all of her might. “Fuck you!” He barely flinched when her small fists balled up, hitting him in an attempt to make him feel the hurt he had caused her. 

She stepped back and pointed to his face. “I may not understand everything you’ve been through Harry, I may not have had to fight for my life the way you did but I was there with you through most of it! I was there when you needed me, risking my life for  _ you!  _ I stayed with you even when it looked like we wouldn’t make it.” Her hand fell to her side as she stepped forward and she looked into his stormy eyes, “I may not know everything, but I’m here. I’m here for you, even with you doing everything you can to push me away and saying things that cut me to the core. I’m still here and I’m not going anywhere because this angry person you are right now? He won’t be here long, and nothing you say will make me love you any less. So you keep spewing hate and breaking everything in sight, and when you’re ready to talk to me when you’re ready to let me in and stop acting like I wasn’t right there with you, I’ll be here.” 

He was still, seemingly stunned by the words she had held back for so long. She smiled sadly before turning and walking quietly back to her room. 

* * *

_ Don't you shut this down _

_ No, don't you give this up _

_ I took all this love I found and I hope that it's enough _

_ I saw you, yeah you, you're breaking down _

_ I hope you, yeah you, you come around _

_ Now don't you shut this down oh no don't you give this up _

_ I took all this love I found and I hope that it's enough _

_ Is it enough? _

31 October 1998

His quiet sobs broke the still silence of the sitting room where he sat with his head in his hands. His shoulders shook and his hands fisted in his hair, the grief he felt was palpable and felt as if it could swallow her up if she got too close. She crossed the room, cautious of the mood she may find him in this time and sat softly beside him. His anger had begun to fade since their confrontation in the kitchen but it wasn’t gone and she didn’t think she could handle it if he cast her aside again.

She knew this day would be hard for him, it always was. Turning her knees toward him, she tentatively reached out, her hand gently removing one of his from his hair. The knots in her stomach lessened as he allowed her to touch him. She squeezed his hand and when he looked up at her, eyes red-rimmed and face so full of sadness, she didn’t think twice before pulling him into her arms.

“Hermione…” he cried.

“I know.”

“It’s my fault, it’s my fault they’re dead.” 

Her heart broke for him, pain and sadness filled her and she held him tighter kissing the top of his head. 

“No, Harry, it’s not. None of this is your fault, it’s Tom’s fault. Not you, never you. They died protecting you from that psychopath and they wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for their sacrifice. Don’t belittle what they did for you.”

“I miss them. I never knew them, but I miss them more than I can explain.”

“I know, love, and one day you’ll see them again. I can tell you though, that until that day comes they would not want you to live in this guilt. They would want you to be happy.”

“But how? I feel like I will never be happy again, everything has been taken from me.”

“That’s not true, Harry. You have time to find what makes you happy, you're not alone. You are so loved and you deserve to be happy.”

He nodded before sitting up and taking her hands in his. “Thank you, for everything. I know it hasn’t been easy to live with me for the last few months. I’m sorry, Hermione. I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you, you never deserved it.”

Her heart warmed and she smiled while squeezing his hands. He was slowly coming back to her and that thought filled her with the hope that maybe her love would be enough. 

* * *

_ Before you came around _

_ I was lost and out of place _

_ You're the only love I found and I'm hoping that you'll stay _

_ Please stay _

3 January 1999

Hermione sat at a small table and chairs in the back garden, her body hunched over a journal. The scratching of a quill on parchment mingled with the birdsong and soft sounds of muggle cars driving past the house out front. She had been having a particularly rough go of things recently and though Harry had tried, he was still struggling with his own grief. She had made the choice last month to visit a healer when she had nearly had a panic attack in the middle of Diagon Alley. Turned out that the healer was right, writing down her thoughts had been helping but she was fighting the urge to cry as she poured her heart out onto the page. She blew an errant curl out of her face, so focused on her task that she missed the sound of the door closing behind her.

Turning to a new page she continued writing, her chest aching with the feeling of abandonment as she wrote about the conversation she had just had with Harry. Oblivious to the man standing behind her, the tears she’d been holding back spilt onto her cheeks and she angrily swiped at them but not before a couple dropped on the page, causing the ink to diffuse.

“ _ Shit _ .”

She sighed heavily, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe the rest of her tears from her face and fanned at the paper only making the ink spread further. Frustration and heartache spread through her like the ink on the page renewing her tears and she dropped her head into her hands giving over to her despair. It  _ hurt _ . Her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs but she tried to keep quiet, unaware that it didn’t matter. 

She had loved him for longer than she had ever admitted, even to herself, always putting everyone else first. He had never seen her as anything other than a friend, only ever looking to her in times of need. She had been with him from the start, never wavering. She had been the only one to stay and help him through his all-consuming guilt and anger taking every nasty word without complaint and yet, he was leaving her. She had felt like the world was crashing in on her, her chest so heavy she could scarcely breathe and had she not been sitting already she was sure she would have collapsed with the weight of his decision.

All of this time she had loved him through his pain, she had taken it for herself all in the hopes that it would be enough to bring him back to her...but it wasn’t. Her head felt like it was underwater, the sounds she had been surrounded by moments before now distorted and her lungs burned with the need for air. She wailed then, unable to hold back the sound and startled when hands gripped her own.

“Hermione!”

Her eyes flew open, tears still streaming down her face but she focused in on the face of the man she loved and mimicked his exaggerated breaths. Soon her panic subsided, the sharp pain in her lungs dulling but the pain in her chest remained. His forehead rested on hers and they stared into each other's eyes for what felt like forever. Hermione allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of his hand smoothing her hair and his thumb caressing her cheek.

“Please stay…” she whispered. She thought her voice sounded rather pitiful but the hurt and sadness were raw in her plea and his eyes widened before he looked away.

“Mi…”

He sounded regretful and she couldn’t take it. She sat up, his hands falling to his lap where he knelt before her. She couldn’t do this, if he was leaving her then she needed him to know how she felt before he did.

“Please! Harry... _ please _ .”

“I can’t, Hermione. It’s too painful.”

“And you  _ leaving me _ isn’t painful?! Harry, I’m begging you, please don’t leave me.”

He frowned and closed his eyes, pain written all over his face. Hermione reached out, smoothing the crease between his brows and smiled sadly. 

“I love you,” she whispered and his eyes opened in surprise. 

“Before you came around, I was lost and out of place. You’re the only love I’ve found and though I never said anything, I have felt that way for a very long time. You mean everything to me, and I’ve tried to show you over the last few months hoping it would be enough to bring the man I love back to me.” She bit her lip to hide her trembling and took a deep breath.

“Everyone is broken, Harry...but if you need to go, I understand. I just needed you to know how I felt before you did.”

She turned, closing the journal and gathering her inkpot and quill before standing to go back into the house. Her emotions were running wild, despair mingling with anger and guilt and her head pounded from the stress of the afternoon. She stepped to the side, intent on getting to her room as soon as possible but was stopped when Harry took her wrist. When she turned back to face him, he was closer than she realized and in an instant, his lips were crashing into hers. His hands cradled her face like she was the most precious thing in his world and she dropped her things to wrap her arms around him.

Elation filled her, blocking out every other emotion that had been warring within her and she melted into his embrace. When he finally pulled away he wore a soft smile and tucked a curl behind her ear. 

“Come with me.”

A bright smile lit up her face and she bobbed her head before taking his hand.

“You know I’d follow you anywhere.”


End file.
